Friday, November 28, 2014

Introspection of "fair"

I'm a fixer.  Now, by this I don't mean to profess any handyman skills.  While I may occasionally play at home improvement, it's usually limited to spraying cabinet door hinges with WD-40, or tinkering with a piece of electronics that I don't expect to ever work again.  I'm an ok shade-tree mechanic but only by necessity, and even then I have to be extremely motivated.  No, I'm talking about fixing things that go wrong.  When I see someone I love or a good friend in trouble I'm compelled to fixing whatever situation is causing the hurt, the pain, the difficulty.  I've always been this way.  So, when situations arise that I can do absolutely nothing about I'm lost...  at least temporarily. For me, there's not much worse than a feeling of absolute helplessness.  There's always a solution....  there has to be.

Throughout my adult life, I've had to face these things I can't control.  Learning that fairness doesn't truly exist was, and is, a difficult and perpetual lesson.  There are just some situations that are completely beyond any one's control.  I've experienced it personally, and in the lives of others.  I suppose we all have.  

So how to deal with it.  Probably the most prevalent advice I get is to trust that everything happens for a reason.  I understand that idea, I do.  And I get that for some this reasoning serves to motivate and encourage.  For me, it doesn't do the trick.  I have to reach that place where I come to just accept that this is the way things are.  Nothing can change it.  So, take steps to move forward and around if necessary, and put it behind me.  No grand epiphanies, maybe some lessons learned but seldom so.  

So "fair" does not exist.  I don't believe it ever has.  Life moves forward, and we are usually trapped somewhere between plan and react.  And try as I might, I can't fix everything.  It's not always about me (seldom is, actually), and all I can do is move forward or around, educate others in hopes they are better prepared, and support those in need that I cannot fix.  It sucks.  But it's the best I've got.  

Monday, November 24, 2014

Night Wind Winding

Silent whispers of night wind winding
through branches bare, once full with flair
and color, to break against shelter walls and add
white noise against a backdrop of sleep silent.

Mind turning events of now, and then, and yet to be
to meld and mix and blend and fix
until something resembling thought and conclusion
comes crashing through to epiphany.

Rain intensifies the whispers of night
crescendo distracting the thoughts impacting
the choices made in seconds of fancy and logic
consumed by reality and truth and perspective.

My selves of now, and then, and yet to be
discuss and dream and think and seem
to be enjoined in conversation, but truly it's not....
It's whispers of night wind winding through branches bare
and it's there
that we care
for the dreams of another heart beating
while white noise sings against the backdrop
of sleep,
and sweet.

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