Do you find yourself flexing your steroid induced musculature when passing any reflection, regardless of how remote? Do you interject yourself into every conversation providing the "ultimate solution" based on your superior knowledge, awesome power and highly evolved intellectual prowess? Do you believe yourself capable of doing everything on your own, even when the task requires two or more people? Does your Significant Other often foster feelings of dissatisfaction and unrequited longing?
If you answered yes to the questions above, you may be suffering from LDS. LDS typically affects certain men between the ages of 17 and 105, and is unfortunately a lifetime malady. Sadly, those afflicted with this syndrome usually are not aware, unlike all those around them after 15 minutes or more in their presence.
Although there is no known cure for LDS, despite claims to the contrary on late-night infomercials, you can avoid embarrassing family members and friends around you in times of social gathers, by following a few simple steps:
- Think before you speak
- Work through whether or not you really need to contribute to the conversation
- If you absolutely MUST speak, avoid words like "I, me, mine"
- Use pronouns such as "they, them, theirs, others"
- Resist the urge to lift the heaviest object in the room for no apparent reason
- Wear loser clothing.. it will give the appearance of bulk even where none exists
We don't guarantee this will completely hide the symptoms of LDS, but there is a slight chance some people will not notice, and this will ultimately widen the circle of people that can stand being around you for any significant period of time.
Remember, in your case... less is more.
This has been a Public Service Announcement