Let's see. My sons are men, one with many children, the other one content to wait. My beard is more salt than pepper. My six-pack is nicely insulated with soft padding. It takes a bit longer to get up from the floor after playing with the grandkids or the dog. I don't remember everything EXACTLY as it happened (but, I prefer to call that poetic license). My glasses are on more than they're off... and not for convenience anymore, I find I actually need them more often.
Yup.. I'm seasoned. But, seasoning can be a good thing. All the experiences in my life have been opportunities to learn. I'm slower to anger, and quicker to help someone understand why they have to do what they have to do, instead of just telling them the have to do it; give them a chance to think about what they're doing, thereby learning as I did. I'm appreciated by those who love me for who I am. Instead of a shallow pool of indecision and youth, they see the depth and power of experience; something you can anchor to. I'm not bothered by those who don't get me, by choice or by misunderstanding. My family and my friends are all I need, because they're the very best. They stand by me, fiercely defending, and they know I'm there for them at a moment's notice, no matter the time or circumstance.
I like how I've seasoned. And I'm so thankful for those in my life whom I love. And I'm looking forward to many more years with them in my life.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Living up to the name
Can't sleep. I tried, I really did. I know I need to. I have to work tomorrow, but that doesn't seem to mean a damn thing to my body. See, the name of the blog is more than my nickname and a clever (or maybe not) addendum reflecting my random thoughts. It's truly musings at midnight in most cases, because I just seem to go through this annoying, aggravating, frustrating, infuriating, someotherkindofating, inSOMnia! It's not even cyclical, it just happens. And you get to benefit from my fits of sleeplessness... poor reader.
Today was moving day at work, which always dregs up memories. You see, I've been at this place of employment for 10 years now, and as with other people in other companies, a fair mix of enemies, acquaintances, tolerances, and friends... some of the truest friends, as a matter of fact, have been met at this particular job. So, why does moving my office make me nostalgic? Because I remember the people who resided in the space ahead of me. This particular office I'm moving into is one of three large offices that used to make up one long room, and I find that it represents a microcosm of life's relationships.
The last occupant was a former boss of mine, and someone I consider a friend. He's one of those people I'm sure I would have partied with in high school had we known each other then and been living on the same side of the continent. He moved to another office Tuesday, I moved in today. Prior to him was someone evidently forgettable because I don't remember him. There are some people like that in everyone's life; someone who just doesn't make an impression... who's just there. You can see their face, and the name is somewhere beyond your reach, but not quite important enough to stretch forth and get. Prior to that, an energetic sort. The school jock who also seemed to have common sense and intelligence. The dude who floats in and out of your life, and you're fine to go have a drink with him once in awhile, shoot the breeze, catch up, move on, see ya next time, smile and wave. He was let go some time back and is actually on site as a consultant. Same principal. Before him, the superbrain. The genius with a passion for his brand of science, who tried to draw you into his world and help you struggle to understand what just came naturally to him. But, like the person who can climb the stairs faster then you and is incapable of slowing down, the voice of understanding just got fainter and fainter as he climbed higher and higher, until you're left standing on a landing thinking "maybe I just better go back down". He's no longer there, either, off making his mark on the world elsewhere. The walls weren't there before him, and the long room existed. Several people occupied the office then, none of them with the company now. One in particular is one of those true friends you come across. One of the rare, honest, straight-forward people who are your fiercest defenders and your very best constructive critics; there for you when you need picking up or when you need a good swift kick to get you going back in the right direction. One of those friends you stay in touch with even when they're not in your daily life, ready to talk when needed or to just be around.
And to think, all this runs through my brain while I'm moving desks and hooking up phones and computers. Is it any wonder I can't sleep? My psyche is wearing Nike's.
Today was moving day at work, which always dregs up memories. You see, I've been at this place of employment for 10 years now, and as with other people in other companies, a fair mix of enemies, acquaintances, tolerances, and friends... some of the truest friends, as a matter of fact, have been met at this particular job. So, why does moving my office make me nostalgic? Because I remember the people who resided in the space ahead of me. This particular office I'm moving into is one of three large offices that used to make up one long room, and I find that it represents a microcosm of life's relationships.
The last occupant was a former boss of mine, and someone I consider a friend. He's one of those people I'm sure I would have partied with in high school had we known each other then and been living on the same side of the continent. He moved to another office Tuesday, I moved in today. Prior to him was someone evidently forgettable because I don't remember him. There are some people like that in everyone's life; someone who just doesn't make an impression... who's just there. You can see their face, and the name is somewhere beyond your reach, but not quite important enough to stretch forth and get. Prior to that, an energetic sort. The school jock who also seemed to have common sense and intelligence. The dude who floats in and out of your life, and you're fine to go have a drink with him once in awhile, shoot the breeze, catch up, move on, see ya next time, smile and wave. He was let go some time back and is actually on site as a consultant. Same principal. Before him, the superbrain. The genius with a passion for his brand of science, who tried to draw you into his world and help you struggle to understand what just came naturally to him. But, like the person who can climb the stairs faster then you and is incapable of slowing down, the voice of understanding just got fainter and fainter as he climbed higher and higher, until you're left standing on a landing thinking "maybe I just better go back down". He's no longer there, either, off making his mark on the world elsewhere. The walls weren't there before him, and the long room existed. Several people occupied the office then, none of them with the company now. One in particular is one of those true friends you come across. One of the rare, honest, straight-forward people who are your fiercest defenders and your very best constructive critics; there for you when you need picking up or when you need a good swift kick to get you going back in the right direction. One of those friends you stay in touch with even when they're not in your daily life, ready to talk when needed or to just be around.
And to think, all this runs through my brain while I'm moving desks and hooking up phones and computers. Is it any wonder I can't sleep? My psyche is wearing Nike's.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Level Ground
It's 11:25 on a Friday night. The time when the party set is just getting warmed up. Bands are playing their best sets, hook-ups are firming, groups of girlfriends are tightening their bonds, and the guys going home alone are just getting the clue they may have to settle or lose out.
I'm sitting in my living room, lights off, glow from the laptop two feet in front of me, Road to Perdition in High Def 15 feet in front of me. It's an oddly symmetrical scene from my vantage point. My coffee sits awaiting breaks in the flow of words, slowly cooling, not caring that I'd rather have it as hot as it came out of the pot. It's usually at this point when deep thoughts bubble up and give me pause. Thoughts about the future and where I might be going; thoughts about the past and where I've been; remembrance of the fierce loyalty of friends and the bitter betrayals of those thought to be; speculation on current acquaintances; joy in the sure knowledge of trust given and received to and by a precious few.
I realize, all in all, there's balance. I'm not necessarily thrilled with every twist and turn I've taken through life, nor the paths I've been forced down. But the hard times have made me strong, and the good times have buoyed me when I've needed it most. There are few people I trust completely, and they know who they are. There are a few more that I let in to a degree, and I'm fine with what I allow. There are many who are arm's length and will remain so. I don't imagine I'm any different in this regard from most who would read this; only the details would be different, but life in and of itself is the same sort of roller coaster for all of us. It's how we deal with the ride that defines us. My advice? Stay on. Let it finish. You'll find yourself on level ground on a Friday night sometime while the rest of the world is riding. Take advantage of the break before the next run, don't hesitate when it's time to get on again, and.....
......enjoy the ride.
I'm sitting in my living room, lights off, glow from the laptop two feet in front of me, Road to Perdition in High Def 15 feet in front of me. It's an oddly symmetrical scene from my vantage point. My coffee sits awaiting breaks in the flow of words, slowly cooling, not caring that I'd rather have it as hot as it came out of the pot. It's usually at this point when deep thoughts bubble up and give me pause. Thoughts about the future and where I might be going; thoughts about the past and where I've been; remembrance of the fierce loyalty of friends and the bitter betrayals of those thought to be; speculation on current acquaintances; joy in the sure knowledge of trust given and received to and by a precious few.
I realize, all in all, there's balance. I'm not necessarily thrilled with every twist and turn I've taken through life, nor the paths I've been forced down. But the hard times have made me strong, and the good times have buoyed me when I've needed it most. There are few people I trust completely, and they know who they are. There are a few more that I let in to a degree, and I'm fine with what I allow. There are many who are arm's length and will remain so. I don't imagine I'm any different in this regard from most who would read this; only the details would be different, but life in and of itself is the same sort of roller coaster for all of us. It's how we deal with the ride that defines us. My advice? Stay on. Let it finish. You'll find yourself on level ground on a Friday night sometime while the rest of the world is riding. Take advantage of the break before the next run, don't hesitate when it's time to get on again, and.....
......enjoy the ride.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday, Ziphone and Cold Feet
It's a slow Sunday here. After working six days in a row, I got up this morning like it was a work day (don't you hate that?). What to do with the boredom. I started the laundry, which I hate. I played a few online card games (no, not for money). Chatted with a friend on and off, who was busy with sorting through pics from Europe (recent trip that I did NOT participate in). And I listened to Apple Phone Show. Andy Ihnatko interviewed a "special secret guest" who unlocked his iPhone using Ziphone, and it seemed pretty easy. So easy, in fact, for the first time I'm actually considering unlocking the phone. Of course, the only reason for me to do it is to play with software and third party apps. I don't have a T-Mobile account, and don't intend to. So, since I was bored I downloaded the software. Now I'm just staring at it every so often wondering whether or not to do it. I'm so disappointed in myself... what am I a Geek or a Wimp!?!
****sigh****
maybe I'm just careful... yeah... that's it... afterall, v2.0 is going to be released soon and I don't want to have to restore the phone just to break it again and then I'd have to wait anyway and....
I need therapy.
****sigh****
maybe I'm just careful... yeah... that's it... afterall, v2.0 is going to be released soon and I don't want to have to restore the phone just to break it again and then I'd have to wait anyway and....
I need therapy.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Time Passing, New Things and Growth
Yes, it's been awhile. They say what you do on the first day of the year sets the tone for the whole year. Guess I blew that theory right out of the water.
Since that post I've become more involved in various aspects of my job, and have been learning a lot about how corporate finance works. Have you ever watched a horror film and wished you never let that cranial input occur? No recycle bin for the brain. That's pretty much how I feel about corporate finance. I think I was happier not knowing. Is this how cynicism begins?
On the tech front, I've watched Apple release the SDK for the iPhone, and the ensuing disappointments throughout the development community. I'm really not sure what they expected. It was obvious that no matter what, Apple was going to tightly control the release and distribution of any new content that will affect their product. This company has never been one to take unnecessary risks, and they will continue to take great care to protect their product (iPhone) and the bottom line. For all the stereotype of the free spirit liberal mindset Apple gathers from the Microsoft camp, they are quite conservative in their business dealings. Always thought-out, careful steps; almost never prone to knee-jerk reactions to public opinion. My iPhone is still just as Apple intended it, and I'm fine with that. Perhaps if I had another $600 to throw away, I'd buy another just to jailbreak it and have some fun, but how practical is that for the real public?
The family has grown by one grand baby, and Lord help us, another is on the way. I'm thinking of conducting a one student course on the cause of this phenomenon, but I'm afraid there will be daydreaming and many sick days....on my part. Ah well.
I'm getting involved in Twitter again (round two for me) after having been overloaded by all of what I call the Social Quick Networks (Twitter, Jaiku, Pounce, etc). I'm trying to not post too many irrelevant tweets, but frankly there are times when it's rather cleansing just to share boring things with total strangers... with whom I'm oddly becoming attached at some level. What a strange world in which we're all involved.
Chin up campers. I'll be back to bore you more soon. Gonna spend some time on the novel that never ends. Happy April.
Since that post I've become more involved in various aspects of my job, and have been learning a lot about how corporate finance works. Have you ever watched a horror film and wished you never let that cranial input occur? No recycle bin for the brain. That's pretty much how I feel about corporate finance. I think I was happier not knowing. Is this how cynicism begins?
On the tech front, I've watched Apple release the SDK for the iPhone, and the ensuing disappointments throughout the development community. I'm really not sure what they expected. It was obvious that no matter what, Apple was going to tightly control the release and distribution of any new content that will affect their product. This company has never been one to take unnecessary risks, and they will continue to take great care to protect their product (iPhone) and the bottom line. For all the stereotype of the free spirit liberal mindset Apple gathers from the Microsoft camp, they are quite conservative in their business dealings. Always thought-out, careful steps; almost never prone to knee-jerk reactions to public opinion. My iPhone is still just as Apple intended it, and I'm fine with that. Perhaps if I had another $600 to throw away, I'd buy another just to jailbreak it and have some fun, but how practical is that for the real public?
The family has grown by one grand baby, and Lord help us, another is on the way. I'm thinking of conducting a one student course on the cause of this phenomenon, but I'm afraid there will be daydreaming and many sick days....on my part. Ah well.
I'm getting involved in Twitter again (round two for me) after having been overloaded by all of what I call the Social Quick Networks (Twitter, Jaiku, Pounce, etc). I'm trying to not post too many irrelevant tweets, but frankly there are times when it's rather cleansing just to share boring things with total strangers... with whom I'm oddly becoming attached at some level. What a strange world in which we're all involved.
Chin up campers. I'll be back to bore you more soon. Gonna spend some time on the novel that never ends. Happy April.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Reflections on the New Year
Another one is here. So much changes in a year, have you ever noticed this? Every New Year I reflect on the changes that have taken place... sometimes the good outweighs the bad, other times it's reversed. Families grow, sometimes by a simple birth, sometimes by the joining of one person to another that brings along children and grows the family quickly. Families also decrease, whether through divorce, tragedy or estrangement. Sometimes the changes that occur come from completely unexpected directions, turning long dull aches to joy. Taking the time to reflect each year helps me see the path I've followed and compare it to the multiple paths ahead. Based on where the road has lead thus far, which of these ahead would be the best? Is there a best? Or are there just choices to make? Do I simply let the future happen, or do I attempted to shape it? Or maybe just give it a hand.
2007 was full of change and challenge, as was the year before, and the year before that. I know 2008 will not be different in that respect. Keeping your eye on the constant prize be it love, security, relationship, friendship, monetary gain or otherwise, may not be the thing to do. Maybe you just let it happen. Relax and jump in the water instead of staying on the road, and let the current take you where it will. You may be pleasantly surprised what you see next year when you look back on 2008.
So, your choice.... road or river.
Happy New Year.
2007 was full of change and challenge, as was the year before, and the year before that. I know 2008 will not be different in that respect. Keeping your eye on the constant prize be it love, security, relationship, friendship, monetary gain or otherwise, may not be the thing to do. Maybe you just let it happen. Relax and jump in the water instead of staying on the road, and let the current take you where it will. You may be pleasantly surprised what you see next year when you look back on 2008.
So, your choice.... road or river.
Happy New Year.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Vacations and Quarterly Report
Sort of became a quarterly blog, huh? Oh well, it's not like I'm committed... as far as you know.
So here's the scoop on vacations... never, ever ,ever plan them. Because of a new policy at work, I was asked to shed over 160 hours of vacation time between September and January. First week I took off was cool, although it rained. My boss, however, realized my employees were being taken advantage of during that week and asked me not to take week long vacations anymore this year. There goes that master plan.
Next scheduled time off was to balance out Thanskgiving weeked by taking the three days off before then. Lucky me, I end up with double pneumonia the Thursday before... flat on my back my entire vacation.
Next, first week of December. My boss and I mutually agreed I couldn't take that time off.... and now, Christmas.
FINALLY, I have a week off... I'm not on my back, no definite plans, and the rest of work isn't working, so no way to be called.... So what, you may ask, do I do with the valuable time? Why spending my time online, of course. Talking to what has become some of my closest friends. After some of these most satisfying conversations, I have to say I'm very relaxed and as happy as I've been in awhile. Sometimes, no talking is necessary... just being online with others you've become close to is enough. We're sharing our days, and sometimes our lives, in ways never before possible.
Probably the busiest day for me (other than Saturday when the entire world was shopping where I was shopping) is going to be the Big Day... as I'm sure it will be with you. Oddly enough, I will be surrounded by real people... family... people I love and who love me.... and I will welcome the return home that evening to my laptop and my online world. You guess what will be more relaxing.
Puppycat wants to play and is walking across my keyboard to make a point. I won't make it so long between posts next time for the six or so of you that actually read this.
Merry Christmas.
So here's the scoop on vacations... never, ever ,ever plan them. Because of a new policy at work, I was asked to shed over 160 hours of vacation time between September and January. First week I took off was cool, although it rained. My boss, however, realized my employees were being taken advantage of during that week and asked me not to take week long vacations anymore this year. There goes that master plan.
Next scheduled time off was to balance out Thanskgiving weeked by taking the three days off before then. Lucky me, I end up with double pneumonia the Thursday before... flat on my back my entire vacation.
Next, first week of December. My boss and I mutually agreed I couldn't take that time off.... and now, Christmas.
FINALLY, I have a week off... I'm not on my back, no definite plans, and the rest of work isn't working, so no way to be called.... So what, you may ask, do I do with the valuable time? Why spending my time online, of course. Talking to what has become some of my closest friends. After some of these most satisfying conversations, I have to say I'm very relaxed and as happy as I've been in awhile. Sometimes, no talking is necessary... just being online with others you've become close to is enough. We're sharing our days, and sometimes our lives, in ways never before possible.
Probably the busiest day for me (other than Saturday when the entire world was shopping where I was shopping) is going to be the Big Day... as I'm sure it will be with you. Oddly enough, I will be surrounded by real people... family... people I love and who love me.... and I will welcome the return home that evening to my laptop and my online world. You guess what will be more relaxing.
Puppycat wants to play and is walking across my keyboard to make a point. I won't make it so long between posts next time for the six or so of you that actually read this.
Merry Christmas.
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