Introspection of "fair"

I'm a fixer.  Now, by this I don't mean to profess any handyman skills.  While I may occasionally play at home improvement, it's usually limited to spraying cabinet door hinges with WD-40, or tinkering with a piece of electronics that I don't expect to ever work again.  I'm an ok shade-tree mechanic but only by necessity, and even then I have to be extremely motivated.  No, I'm talking about fixing things that go wrong.  When I see someone I love or a good friend in trouble I'm compelled to fixing whatever situation is causing the hurt, the pain, the difficulty.  I've always been this way.  So, when situations arise that I can do absolutely nothing about I'm lost...  at least temporarily. For me, there's not much worse than a feeling of absolute helplessness.  There's always a solution....  there has to be.

Throughout my adult life, I've had to face these things I can't control.  Learning that fairness doesn't truly exist was, and is, a difficult and perpetual lesson.  There are just some situations that are completely beyond any one's control.  I've experienced it personally, and in the lives of others.  I suppose we all have.  

So how to deal with it.  Probably the most prevalent advice I get is to trust that everything happens for a reason.  I understand that idea, I do.  And I get that for some this reasoning serves to motivate and encourage.  For me, it doesn't do the trick.  I have to reach that place where I come to just accept that this is the way things are.  Nothing can change it.  So, take steps to move forward and around if necessary, and put it behind me.  No grand epiphanies, maybe some lessons learned but seldom so.  

So "fair" does not exist.  I don't believe it ever has.  Life moves forward, and we are usually trapped somewhere between plan and react.  And try as I might, I can't fix everything.  It's not always about me (seldom is, actually), and all I can do is move forward or around, educate others in hopes they are better prepared, and support those in need that I cannot fix.  It sucks.  But it's the best I've got.  

Night Wind Winding

Silent whispers of night wind winding
through branches bare, once full with flair
and color, to break against shelter walls and add
white noise against a backdrop of sleep silent.

Mind turning events of now, and then, and yet to be
to meld and mix and blend and fix
until something resembling thought and conclusion
comes crashing through to epiphany.

Rain intensifies the whispers of night
crescendo distracting the thoughts impacting
the choices made in seconds of fancy and logic
consumed by reality and truth and perspective.

My selves of now, and then, and yet to be
discuss and dream and think and seem
to be enjoined in conversation, but truly it's not....
It's whispers of night wind winding through branches bare
and it's there
that we care
for the dreams of another heart beating
while white noise sings against the backdrop
of sleep,
silent,
and sweet.

cd - 112414

A Breath, A Whisper, A Dream

A Breath
Taken sharply at first site of love, bringing warmth to a winter's day,
chasing all rational thought and filling heart with unfamiliar joy.
Exhaled slowly to calm anger and shock, slowing blood rising swiftly,
cleansing thought of rash action and haste.
Escaping softly on a crisp, grey autumn morning,
mixing with tears graveside, betraying the presence of fresh grief.

A Whisper
Against an ear, sheltered with palm, sharing secrets of best friends,
confidence forged forever and a day from children at play.
Leaning close, barely audible, standing side-by-side
while "paying attention", breaking monotony and boredom deep.
Professing deepest love in the closest of moment,
spicing passion, forming promise of commitment stronger than any ring on finger.

A Dream
Dancing loosely, just out of reach in the dawn of day,
teasing conscious mind with tickles of fancy not yet known.
Vivid and clear, sensation rich, colors vibrant
fooling the mind and heart with reality unreal.
Known and promising, straddling the fence of fantasy,
nudging aside inhibitions, urging on the taking of chance.

Such is the life of woman and man, the trifecta of origin
of all we are.
A Breath.... A Whisper.... A Dream.

cd - 060814

Requiem of Insomnia

Standing with sword of shadow and light, 

invisible warriors ready to fight 

the evils of inaction and lethargy this night 

that productive thought may proceed.  

Mind weary and worn must forge ahead,  

heedless of calls to rest and bed 

lest the beasts of failure and regret be fed 

the manna of want and need.  

Then softly, a song from deep within  

of comfort, calm and peace does begin 

to sooth the heart and salve the sin 

of drive and push so deep.  

Take time to hear, to hum along 

with eye closed and body swaying; this is not wrong.  

Your heart has need of this restful song. 

So sing...and dream...sleep.  

cd - 060214

Upon Further Thought

In the dark of night as the scent of light
flees Earth in search of day,
The heart's content in reflections sent
within the soul's display.

Where will I go within the flow
of time, reason and space?
How will I rise with tomorrow's sighs?
With wonder, with love, with grace?

Each night resets a day well met
with lessons learned or no.
How long the test at your behest
is not for you to know.

So find your path bereft of wrath.
Waste not the gifts.  Come play
in the the dark of night as the scent of light
flees Earth in search of day.

cd - 032114